bPhone
Store
Mac-ish
bPad
Support (lol)
Bag (0)
New
bPhone 18 Pro
Pro. Max. Mildly excessive.
Buy from $1,999*
Learn more
Pro
6.1 inches of maybe
Pro Max
6.9 inches of too much
B19 chip
Faster than the thing you already own. Probably.
Up to 3% quicker. Measured by us, in a room, once.
bPhone Duo
Two screens. One hinge. Zero regrets*
The folding bPhone. Unfolds into a tablet. Folds into a slightly thicker phone.
Duo
left half
Duo
right half
200,000
folds, tested by a robot that never complained.
0.3mm
crease. You will see it. We have made peace.
$3,299*
Up from $2,499 because RAM got expensive. We blame the RAM.
bPhone x Starlink Mobile
Tracked anywhere. Truly anywhere.
We partnered with Starlink Mobile so we always know where you are. For your safety. Mostly ours.
100%
of Earth covered. The ocean. A cave. Your bathroom.
Always
on. Location sharing can be turned off in Settings. Settings is also tracked.
Your bPhone runs on the slowest Cricket Wireless plan. You don't get Starlink. We only have it for tracking.
bPhone x Flock Safety
Lost your phone? We'll find it.
Thanks to our partnership with Flock Safety, every camera on your street is now looking for your bPhone. Mainly, it's just looking for you.
3 sec
to locate a lost phone. About the same to locate you.
Every
street, parking lot, and neighborhood. They were already watching. Now it's a feature.
Found.
Your phone is fine. We just wanted to know where you were.
Design
Titanium-adjacent.
Made from a metal. Possibly several. Feels expensive, mostly because it is.
1 lens
Camera. Singular.
48 megapixels that really commit to the moment. Portrait mode is just the front.
4 hrs
All-day battery*
*A day is defined as four hours. Charger sold separately. So is the cable.
0 ports
Courage, again.
We removed the last hole. Wireless everything. Wires sold separately.
bPhone Power Reserve
Battery dead? Start the generator.
Every bPhone has a tiny diesel generator inside. When your battery dies, pull the cord on the back like a lawn mower and it fires up, exhausting through the speakers. Your mom's call will have to wait.
1 tsp
of diesel. Refill through the SIM tray. Or don't.
2 pipes
Your speakers. Stereo exhaust. Spatial smoke.
On hold
Mom will call back. She always does. Stand clear of the speakers.
Pull
to start. Just like a lawn mower. Two or three pulls, tops. Maybe nine.
0 lawns
cut. It sounds like a mower and smells like one. It cannot cut grass.
Clear only
Premium diesel, $9 a thimble. No red dye. Dyed fuel voids the warranty and the phone.
Don't cheap out on diesel. You can afford this phone.
Pick your Pro.
bPhone 18 Pro
6.1 inch display. One hand, two thumbs.
$1,999*
bPhone 18 Pro Max
6.9 inch display. Two hands, no pockets.
$2,399*
Special thanks
Thanks, Elon Musk. Thanks, Garrett Langley. Thanks, Donald Trump.
For the satellites, the cameras, and the tariffs. We couldn't have charged this much without you.
*Parody and satire. bPhone is not a real product, and no person or company named here has endorsed or partnered with it. Prices reflect the RAM shortage and our feelings about it.
Trade in your old phone and get up to $12 off.